Playing With Fire

Taiga is too close. He must know how it affects Hokuto.

It feels like a matchstick has been struck.

Hokuto keeps his eyes on the screen, pretending to read the comments. But every time Taiga leans closer, the heat emitting from him is impossible to ignore. His warm shoulder presses against Hokuto, and it feels like embers trailing along the skin, setting a slow fire that spreads through the whole body.

It doesn't help that it's still so hot.

They've been outside in the Singapore sun all day. Even now, sitting inside under the air conditioner, Hokuto still feels that insane heat clinging to his skin. His shirt is slightly damp at the collar, and his head feels heavy from running around all day in the hot weather.

After arriving early in the morning, they started with breakfast at a famous restaurant. After that, they played several games, including hide-and-seek and the already-legendary bonding game in which they had to find each other around the city using only phones and emojis.

Like the earlier heat outside wasn't already enough.

Additionally, it is disturbing that Taiga appears completely unaffected by the hot weather. Hokuto risks a glance at him from the corner of his eye. Taiga should look messy. Yet, he looks good and cool, only a bit tired. Of course Taiga is the one who sweats the least among all their members, but the heat should still have some effect on him.

Hokuto has seen Taiga dressed up nicely for concerts and television millions of times. He's seen him with perfectly styled hair, sexy stage makeup, and expensive outfits. And yet, somehow, this version is as good as the styled one, or maybe even better: just bare-faced Taiga in a simple T-shirt and basic pants, smelling faintly of that familiar soap he always uses and the outside air.

Then again, any version of Taiga is something that Hokuto shouldn't think about at all unless he wants to get burned. He shouldn't play with fire.

Hokuto forces his eyes back to the screen. Before he loses it and says or makes something inappropriate.

This time, their flirting has been happening (and that fire between them smoldering) since New Year's Eve. During their livestream, at one point, Taiga ended up on Hokuto's lap by half-accident. Or at least that's how it was framed from Taiga's side. Juri had shoved Taiga off his own lap with exaggerated annoyance, laughing, and Taiga then stumbled between the table and their seats, eventually landing on Hokuto's lap.

Hokuto remembers that weight on him, how warm and solid Taiga felt there. His mind immediately started travelling everywhere they shouldn't, thinking about how it would be to hover his hands on Taiga's waist or his thighs. But in the end, he kept it totally controlled and didn't move. Not even an inch. He just stayed totally still while the fans screamed about it in the chat, and the members and staff pretty much pretended not to notice.

Later, when Taiga won the leader janken, he made a whole show of it and asked the members to kiss his hand in celebration of his victory. Hokuto leaned in last, lips pressing against Taiga's hand for just a half second. But that half second was enough to make Taiga's eyes flick up to meet Hokuto's gaze very briefly, yet very intensely.

Hokuto couldn't understand how such a glance could have such a strong effect on his inner self. He just couldn't.

There had also been a blanket draped over their legs since they had a made-up kotatsu inside the bus, and under that blanket, Taiga's foot quickly brushed against Hokuto's. At first touch, Hokuto naively thought it had been only accidental, but then Taiga made that same gesture again and shot him a quick look. No one else noticed that look, except Hokuto, who saw it as a clear message that screams, "hey by the way, this isn't accidental at all".

Their... arrangement is interesting to say the least, Hokuto thinks. He and Taiga can go months without touching each other, barely looking at or talking with each other. They can maintain a cool, polite demeanor, as if there were nothing but a professional relationship between them. Until either of them does something that lights the matchstick again. It can be a simple look or a brief brush of skin, and everything ignites again. Months of dry and cool spells, yet it always happens again at some point. Always.

They should probably talk about it. But alas, neither of them is good at talking, so instead it's always the same cycle. It starts with subtle teasing, then moves into flirting, and finally culminates in secret touches until the tension between them becomes unbearable. Then sex happens. Usually, it's very rough and fiery, though not necessarily quick. More like many positions in different surfaces that one could even imagine existing inside the house.

The best sex, Hokuto could say, but he doesn't want to admit that. Because even if he did, it wouldn't change anything, and the situation would stay as weird and complicated as it is.

After the sex part, they always pretty much pretend it never happened and go back to being distant.

Until the next time something lights the matchstick again.

The comments on the screen are moving fast, almost impossible to read properly, but Hokuto catches enough.

"Kyomohoku is on it tonight!"

"Cute Kyomohoku"

"Why are they like this???"

"Kyomohoku is flirting~"

Hokuto feels his face heaten. So, it's not just him. And if only everyone knew that it's so much more than just flirting. It's more like their secret foreplay, already underway.

Hokuto tries to keep his expression as normal as possible and shake the thoughts off, keeping his eyes still on the phone screen. He tries to cool his warm face by memorizing the script for his upcoming movie. He probably manages to look all absent-minded because of that, but it's better than blushing in the frigging live stream when the fans are talking about him and Taiga.

As the live is over and the staff is putting all the equipment into bags, Taiga turns to Juri.

"I'm ordering room service tonight," he says, sounding all careless, but Hokuto catches the way his eyes move ever so slightly in his direction. Like he's making sure that Hokuto is overhearing every word he's saying. "Things are apparently very delicious here."

Juri snorts dryly. "You say that about every hotel," he says.

"No but really, this hotel one earns it. Because I say this from experience," Taiga replies with a snicker. "Room 1207, by the way. If you won't see me tomorrow morning at breakfast, it's because I've gone to heaven after a perfect food coma, so you should come and get me from there."

Hokuto doesn't comment on that. He doesn't need to. He knows Taiga announcing his room number aloud like that is a masked invitation meant for him.

Hokuto's thoughts go all messy for a second.

He gets a mental image of Taiga naked and sprawled in those fresh white hotel sheets under him. Heat flashes through him again. But he shuts that down as quickly as possible.

No, they should stop doing this, he tells himself. They should stop giving in to their instincts and feed the flare. At least, they shouldn't do anything here in Singapore tonight. It'd be too risky to get caught.

However, Hokuto still remembers Taiga's room number until they all wish each other good night after the elevator ride, and he turns in the opposite direction of the corridor toward his own room.

Heat is still tight in his stomach for the next few hours, like burning coals inside him, and Hokuto needs to take an extra cold shower to cool down.

--

The next morning arrives too quickly. Hokuto wakes before his alarm, and for a few seconds, he lies still, trying to remember where he is. Singapore. Right.

The memories from last night rush back quickly.

Hokuto lets out a breath. Today, he needs to behave normally and keep it together. He should try to extinguish that fire completely.

They leave the hotel early again, staff ushering them into a car before the morning rush begins. The first destination today is Universal Studios.

The place is full of bright music and colorful buildings. Their staff guides them between rides and filming locations. They run between attractions, laughing loudly, shouting over each other, and discussing which ride to go on next. It's easy to get caught up in all that. Yet, Hokuto remembers his promise to himself to try to extinguish that fire.

Whenever Taiga moves too close, Hokuto drifts somewhere else. If Taiga joins one conversation, Hokuto finds another. If Taiga walks beside him, Hokuto conveniently slows his pace and ends up walking with Jesse or Kochi instead.

It's not an unusual form of avoidance; more like their usual, distant yet polite style.

Too bad that by midday, the fire returns in full force. Hokuto makes the mistake of glancing at Taiga once while they wait for a ride.

Taiga is standing a few steps away, talking to Shintaro and pushing his hair back from his forehead. The sun hits his face and eyes just right.

He looks so good.

Fuck.

Hokuto looks away immediately. Stupid flare.

The day passes fast. By afternoon, they head back to the city for lunch (while still wearing the ridiculous stuff they bought at Universal Studios). Then their flight back to Japan leaves in the evening.

Most of the members and staff fall asleep quickly once the plane takes off. Hokuto also tries his best. He adjusts his business class seat to the sleep position, closes his eyes, and tells himself to relax. But every time he drifts toward even any closeness of sleep, his mind wanders to that burning feeling inside him.

He ends up dozing off for only 20 minutes at most during the whole flight.

By the time the plane lands at Haneda Airport, it's already early morning. Night flights are always the tough ones, even if one would have slept there, and Hokuto doesn't even want to glance at his reflection through any shiny surface because he knows he looks terrible.

After the immigration desks, they get their luggage and go through customs. In the parking hall, the staff organizes the waiting vans to take everyone home. The members naturally split by where they live. Juri climbs into one van with Shintaro and Kochi. Jesse goes to the second one while Hokuto ends up in the third. Taiga is already sitting inside once Hokuto steps in.

Their manager and one staff member occupy the front seats, discussing next week's schedule while the van pulls away. Hokuto and Taiga stay quiet in the backseat.

Hokuto watches the morning scenery slide past the window glass.

He can't help thinking about something again. It would be easy. They live close enough to each other that Hokuto could just suggest being dropped off at the same place as Taiga. The staff wouldn't think much of it. It would just look convenient.

Then they could go to Taiga's apartment, and once the door would get closed—

God. No. Please, no. Hokuto shouldn't think about that. Why is he thinking about that.

They start nearing Taiga's house. Hokuto keeps his mouth tightly closed, afraid that he'll blurt out his suggestion if he even parts his lips.

The van stops, their manager turning around to wish Taiga well.

"Good job, Kyomoto-san. See you tomorrow."

Taiga nods and reaches for the door.

"Thank you," he wishes all of them, and steps out of the van. The staff member hurries outside to help get his luggage from the trunk.   

The door and the trunk slide shut after that, and their party continues the drive, taking Hokuto home next.

Only when Taiga's building disappears completely behind them does Hokuto finally exhale the long breath he realizes he's been holding.

Maybe he hasn't learned to extinguish that fire yet, but at least he has found a way not to fuel it further.

--

They have basically no time to take a proper break, because the tour literally starts only a few days later. The preparations swallow those days whole with stage practice, costume fittings, and final sound checks. Everything is so hectic that Hokuto barely has time to think about anything else. Which is definitely good because he should indeed focus on work and not on anything else. He especially shouldn't put any focus on Kyomoto Taiga. In such a critical moment.

Then the first concert night in Fukuoka comes. Everything goes by the book, and it's fun to perform at the arenas after such a long time. As the encore approaches, Hokuto can feel himself super high from adrenaline after singing their best songs.

He wipes the sweat from his temple and glances at himself in the dressing room mirror.

The stylist had added the choker almost as a joke earlier. "You should try this," she had said, holding up the thin black velvet band. "It would fit the concept of your encore style."

Hokuto hadn't expected much from it.

But now—

Hokuto tilts his chin slightly in the mirror. The choker sits snug around his throat, accentuating the line of his neck. His original stage makeup is still surprisingly intact. The eyeliner is slightly smudged in the corners of his eyes, which only adds a nice finishing touch, as if it were intentional. He actually thinks he looks and feels quite good. He feels sexy.

He usually keeps saying that his face is plain and that there's nothing special about his looks, but somehow this styling makes a difference. And for some reason, that realization is kind of exciting. He allows himself a small, almost guilty smirk, testing the image in the mirror.

Hokuto feels weirdly confident as they perform the encore. The choker brushes against his skin every time he turns his head. It's like reminding him of how sexy he looks and feels right now.

When he glances toward Taiga after the concert in the hallway, Hokuto catches him looking at him. Or not just casually looking.

Taiga is staring.

Taiga quickly looks away when their eyes meet, but the reaction is too slow to hide the fact that he's been staring for a while.

Taiga looks good tonight, too. Well, honestly, that's an understatement, Hokuto thinks. His hair is slightly damp from the hair gel, his tour shirt clinging just enough to hint at the shape of his shoulders. Like with Hokuto, his makeup is a little smudged in that effortless way that somehow makes him look even better than before. It's the look one could describe as "hot and bothered".

Now, Hokuto isn't feeling sexy about himself only any longer, but that familiar fire toward Taiga is there as well.

In the end, Hokuto leaves the choker on, although he knows the stylist would scold him for it later. All their accessories are supposed to go straight back to the costume table, but he has an idea.

He also doesn't touch the makeup wipes, telling everyone he'd shower in his hotel room. He walks toward the hallway exactly as he is with that stage makeup, choker, sweat-damp hair, and all.

'What are your room numbers tonight?' he texts the group chat at some point.

He'd later claim that he just wanted to know which view each of them had and if they stayed on the same floor.

--

The room smells like citrus cleaner and Taiga. A heater rattles somewhere in the background.

Taiga closes the door behind Hokuto. And then he is right there, blocking the way back out without touching him. His scent becomes even stronger in Hokuto's nose.

Hokuto can still feel the stage's residue on his skin. The mixture of dried sweat and the faint tightness of his makeup, while the choker snugs around his throat. Taiga's eyes drop to it almost immediately.

"Hi," Hokuto greets him.

"You came," Taiga says.

Hokuto exhales. The next words slip past his lips without thinking.

"You make it impossible not to."

That does it.

Taiga steps forward, and Hokuto's back hits the wall. Not hard enough to physically hurt, just sudden enough to knock the breath out of him. The wall is cool through his shirt. Taiga's hands come up, one braced beside Hokuto's head, the other settling at his hip.

Taiga's gaze drifts down again to Hokuto's neck.

"You kept that on," he says quietly as his fingers hook lightly under the choker.

Hokuto lets out a quiet single grunt, like a way of saying 'yes'.

"You're going to get scolded by the stylist," Taiga whispers.

"Probably," Hokuto says, his voice sounding hoarse.

Taiga's thumb presses against the band, testing it, tugging just slightly.

For a moment, they stay still. Hokuto can see Taiga's chest rise and fall. He can feel the heat of him, his heart pounding fast while his thigh presses between his legs.

"You have no idea what this thing did to me," Taiga murmurs quietly. "What I would like to do now."

Hokuto shakes his head in disagreement. "No, but I think I do."

"So... Are you up for it?" Taiga asks. 

For a nanosecond, Hokuto realizes he'd still have a chance to leave. He tries to remember every reason why he should do that. He tries to remember what a complicated calamity it always eventually becomes when he gives in to that smallest flare.

"Yes." 

All the reasons burn away within that flare.

That's enough confirmation for Taiga. He leans in towards Hokuto.

The kiss isn't neat.

Their mouths bump, miss, and then find each other again, tongues in each other's mouths. Hokuto makes a low sound, and Taiga answers it with a hand at the back of his neck, fingers aggressively threading into his thick black hair, holding him firmly.

The wall digs into Hokuto's shoulders as Taiga crowds him closer. Hokuto's hands come up, gripping Taiga's shirt and pulling him against himself.

They break apart for air, and Taiga moves to scrape the soft spot below Hokuto's left ear with his teeth.

"I want you," Taiga murmurs. Hokuto wants him too. So much.

Hokuto can't do anything but take hold of his head and kiss Taiga again, slower and even deeper this time. Then his hands travel under his shirt. Taiga makes a quiet groan at that.

As the kiss breaks, Taiga's mouth trails along Hokuto's jaw and down his throat, making the pecks firm and wet just enough to make Hokuto's knees threaten to give out. Then Taiga's hands go under Hokuto's shirt, grazing against his ribcage and rubbing firm circles into the skin there.

Taiga shifts his weight, pins him even harder, and his hands come up to twitch Hokuto's nipples. Hokuto gasps. Taiga smiles at that.

"Please," Hokuto breathes.

Taiga shifts back, reaches down to yank his own pants slightly down, and slips a hand into his boxer briefs, thumb brushing the underside of his dick as he gets it out.

After that, Hokuto's not sure if he bends down on his own or if Taiga's fingers slide into his hair to push his head down first, just that one minute he's on his knees and the next he's got Taiga's hard dick pushing against his tongue. He nearly gags around it as it slides deeper into his mouth.

Taiga tries his best to swallow around the loud moan that rolls out of his mouth, eyes sliding shut as Hokuto pushes his legs further apart, elbows digging into his thighs.

The blowjob's too wet and messy. Hokuto's jaw aches, and Taiga jerks his hips up hard, but Hokuto keeps on going, taking mental note of all the little noises that Taiga makes when Hokuto hollows his cheeks or pulls back to suck on the tip.

Taiga's grip tightens in Hokuto's hair. The rhythm falters. His hips stutter. Then he yanks Hokuto's head back sharply, his cock slipping free from Hokuto's mouth with a wet sound.

Hokuto gasps. He can feel that his lips are swollen and glistening, and he licks his bottom lip slowly, tasting Taiga there. Taiga's thumb presses hard into the soft spot under his chin.

"Not yet," Taiga rasps. He sounds so wrecked, and Hokuto's feeling the same. "I'm not coming in your mouth tonight."

Hokuto's cock jerks hard against the confines of his own pants. He surges up a little bit on his knees, grabs Taiga's hips with bruising force, and drags his nails down the backs of Taiga's thighs hard.

"Then wreck me as soon as possible," Hokuto says. His voice is gruff from the throat-fucking. "Because if you don't, I'll make you."

Taiga's pupils flare.

Hokuto rises slowly, brushing his body on purpose along Taiga's the whole way. When he is standing, he captures Taiga's lips again, making him taste himself.

Taiga grabs Hokuto's shoulders as he licks his lips. Hokuto's head tips back just enough to make the choker pull taut against his Adam's apple.

Taiga exhales roughly through his nose. He hooks two fingers through the metal chain at the side of the choker and yanks Hokuto's head back farther. Hokuto moans at that.

"Shower now," Hokuto pants.

Taiga doesn't say anything. His hand fists the back of Hokuto's shirt and yanks hard. Hokuto stumbles but snorts as Taiga shoves him toward the bathroom. Hokuto catches himself on the doorframe, spins, and grabs Taiga by the collar.

They tear at each other. Clothes come off in shreds while their nails scratch each other's skin.

When they are both naked, Hokuto pushes Taiga toward the bathtub and slaps his ass.

Taiga steps over the low edge and sits against the far wall of the tub, cock hard against his lower stomach. He reaches up and cranks the shower on overhead. Water comes out, hissing down in a shower curtain. The drain gurgles.  

Hokuto climbs in as well. Instead of straddling right away, he lowers his body fully on top of Taiga, chest to chest, belly to belly and their cocks touching each other. His legs drape wide on either side of Taiga's frame, knees braced against the tub walls.

Taiga gasps at the weight of him.

"Fuck, you're heavy," he says with a groan.

He reaches both hands around Hokuto's hips, grabs two generous handfuls of ass, and spreads his cheeks wide apart. The position forces Hokuto's hole open to the falling water.

Hokuto moves slightly, reaches one long arm over the edge of the tub toward the narrow shelf bolted to the wall. Hokuto knows the lube is there because this isn't the first time they've ended up in a bathroom of Taiga's hotel room.

Hokuto snaps the cap open with his teeth, pours some liquid straight onto Taiga's waiting palm, then tosses the bottle back onto the shelf.

Taiga pushes one finger inside him. Hokuto suppresses a moan against his neck. Taiga adds a second finger and spreads them roughly, stretching him open. His other hand stays tight on Hokuto's choker chain, giving quick, sharp tugs that make the velvet squeeze around Hokuto's throat.

"Feel that?" Taiga growls. "I'm fingering you open while I choke you with the same choker you wore for the fans."

He crooks his fingers hard against Hokuto's prostate, grinding slow circles until Hokuto feels his whole body shaking, and some water floods into his open mouth. Hokuto coughs, sputters, but pushes back harder, begging for more stretch.

"Please... Hurry up, I need more," he pleads.

Taiga adds a third finger. He spreads the cheeks even wider, letting the shower hit the stretched rim directly while his fingers fuck in and out with wet sounds.

Then Taiga pulls his fingers free. He slicks his own cock with the leftover lube, still holding the choker chain in his other hand.

"Now ride me," Taiga orders. "Take every inch while I keep this choker pulled tight."

Hokuto adjusts himself although it's not easy in such a cramped space. Eventually Taiga pulls him down by the choker as Hokuto sinks onto his cock. The stretch feels so, so good after all that prep.

Hokuto's head falls back, mouth open under the water, choking and moaning as Taiga yanks the chain and tries to get his head downward. Hokuto starts moving.

They fuck like that for long minutes. Hokuto is riding Taiga hard, his hips slamming down while water cascades over them. Every now and then, Taiga loosens the grip on the chain and leans up to bite Hokuto's arm, his shoulder, and basically anywhere he can reach.

But right as Hokuto starts to tremble in that exact way that he knows he's going to come soon, Taiga's grip on the chain loosens completely.

"Not yet?" Hokuto moans as a desperate question. He's so close it hurts.

"Not yet," Taiga rasps back.

He hauls Hokuto off his cock. Hokuto gasps at the sudden emptiness, and his thighs shake as he stands up. Taiga turns off the shower with a quick twist.

They stumble out of the bathroom together, dripping and making the carpeted floor wet because there's no patience to find any towels. Taiga fists the choker chain again and uses it to steer Hokuto toward the bed. Hokuto follows willingly, cock bobbing painfully hard between his legs.

Taiga flips Hokuto onto his stomach on the bed. Hokuto spreads his legs immediately, ass up and face pressed into the pillow. He hears Taiga kneeling behind him, then he grips his hips and slams his cock back inside him.

The bed creaks a little, and Hokuto's fingers twist into the sheets as Taiga fucks him from behind. He twitches his hips back to meet each thrust, even though his whole body feels like it might give out any second.

"Fuck—" Hokuto chokes out. "Harder—"

Taiga doesn't answer with words. He just moves his hands, one planting between Hokuto's shoulder blades, pinning him down like he might try to escape (he won't), while the other snakes around front and finds Hokuto's cock. It's leaking, slick against Taiga's palm as he strokes it from base to tip.

Taiga changes the angle just slightly, grinding down on every stroke so the head of his cock presses against Hokuto's prostate. Hokuto's vision whites out for a second.

Taiga's hand leaves Hokuto's cock, and Hokuto makes a pitiful noise at the loss. Taiga fists into the hair at the nape of Hokuto's neck, yanking his head back just enough to arch his spine.

"Turn over," Taiga orders, already pulling his cock out.

Hokuto rolls onto his back, legs falling open wide. His cock slaps against his stomach, flushed dark and leaking.

Taiga doesn't waste time. He hooks Hokuto's knees over his shoulders and folds him in half. The stretch in Hokuto's thighs burns sweetly.

He lies wide open, cock leaking onto his stomach and hole still slick and swollen from earlier. Taiga sinks in with one hard slide and bottoms out so deeply that Hokuto's breath catches. He rolls his hips once he is fully inside, grinding deep.

"Move," Hokuto begs him, and Taiga does. No slow build this time either. The new position allows each thrust to slam even better against Hokuto's prostate. Hokuto's hands scrabble at Taiga's stomach, his nails leaving slightly reddened marks.

Then Hokuto feels his whole body locking up. Orgasm yanks him like a tight wire that finally snaps. His hole clamps down in a tight spasm around Taiga's cock. He feels the wet spill of his own release while Taiga keeps fucking him through it.

Taiga groans low. His thrusts turn sloppy. He pulls out suddenly. Both hiss at the loss.

Taiga shifts up and straddles Hokuto's chest just enough. His one hand braces beside Hokuto's head while the other strokes himself fast.

Hokuto watches as Taiga's face twists. He comes with a rough exhale. Hot spurts land across Hokuto. The first stripe hits the hollow between the neck and the shoulder. The next comes over his Adam's apple. More follows a little bit lower. The cum streams down the side of Hokuto's throat, pools in the dip of his collarbone, then drips onto the mattress in dark wet spots. It cools quickly and stays sticky.

Taiga collapses half beside him and half on top. He tries to calm his breath down as his face tucks against Hokuto's shoulder, right where his own cum still trickles.

"Look at the mess," he mutters.

Hokuto laughs shakily. "Good luck to the cleaners. And let's be thankful for the NDAs."

Taiga rolls off further, landing on his back beside Hokuto. Neither of them says anything, but they keep listening to the heater rattling and calming their breaths down.

This is always the moment Hokuto dreads a little; it's the point where the fire has burnt everything, and the reality beneath it returns. Because every time they end up in this situation, every time they burn through each other like this, Hokuto already knows how the conversation will go.

"So, it happened," Hokuto says while staring at the lamp in the ceiling.

Taiga lets out a long sigh beside him.

"Yes. Although it shouldn't."

Hokuto expected that answer. He always does. Still, something in his chest sinks anyway, because some stupid part of him keeps hoping that one day Taiga will say something different. Something that doesn't sound like they're both apologizing for a mistake they're going to do again anyway.

That's the real problem between them. They light the fire in the matchstick every time like it's the first time, like they don't know exactly how badly it ends up burning them.

Taiga moves suddenly and reaches with his hand, his thumb dragging lightly across Hokuto's collarbone, following the drying stripe there. The touch is surprisingly gentle, and it makes Hokuto feel it all the way down to his ribs.

"I don't know how to stop wanting you," Taiga says quietly. "Even when I tell myself I should."

Hokuto swallows. His throat feels tight and dry, and it has nothing to do with the choker anymore. He turns his head and looks at Taiga, who has that familiar frustration sitting in his expression. It's the same one Hokuto has seen for years. The worst thing is that Hokuto understands it too well. Their relationship has always felt like that more or less. Frustrating.

"Same," he answers eventually.

They both know the fire isn't actually out, even though the flames aren't visible anymore. It never is. They just lie here in the ash afterward, pretending the after-coals are not burning them.

Then, almost before he realizes it, Hokuto blurts out a confession that has been in his mind for some time.

"I haven't slept with anyone else in over a year."

Taiga goes still beside him. He pulls his caressing hand further away from Hokuto.

"Oh," he says slowly. Then, awkwardly, adds, "Well, I have."

Hokuto's chest feels hollow all of a sudden, like someone just punched the air out of him. His mind overflows with all the questions—Who? When? How many times? Is it with someone from work? Why do you keep doing it bare like this with me then?

Yet, Hokuto says nothing. He knows it's not his business. Just like his business is not Taiga's business. And yet the knowledge stings, leaving his stomach twisting.

Taiga looks suddenly more uncomfortable than Hokuto has seen in a while.

"Before your brain starts going somewhere weird," Taiga says, sounding a little bit defensive, "you don't need to worry about protection or anything. It's taken care of. I'm clean."

"Okay," Hokuto says. He would still want to ask more, but he swallows that down.

Hokuto sits up and swings his legs off the bed. The carpet feels rough under his feet. He touches the sticky mess on his skin with the back of his hand, not looking at Taiga.

"I should go," he says. The words come out quickly. He goes to the bathroom to do his business and wash off the worst cum stripes on his neck and chest by the sink. He'd shower properly in his own room soon. He quickly gathers all his clothes from the floor. They're all wet, so it won't be the nicest feeling to put them on, but he has no choice. Maybe no one will notice him in the corridor if he walks quickly.

Hokuto pulls on his wet shirt. His hands feel clumsy, like they don't quite belong to him. He's exhausted, and his body feels heavy, yet satisfied.

By the time Hokuto is done getting clothes on, Taiga is already standing as well, running a hand through his hair. He's wearing a hotel yukata he snatched from the drawer.

"See you tomorrow, Hokuto," Taiga wishes, speaking to Hokuto with that polite tone that he uses with him in their rehearsal room full of other people.

Hokuto nods.

"Yes. See you, Kyomoto."

--

--

--

2 months later

Hokuto is too close, Taiga thinks.

He must know how it affects Taiga.

The matchstick flares up.